Where does this piece fit?

I just got off the phone (or rather the MagicJack) with the folks at Km 38. I caught a little knot in my throat as I heard all their voices coming across the phone line. Up until the last couple days I hadn’t had time to really take in the fact that I had left my home of 8 months and returned to my home of the past 21 years and 4 months.

The day after getting home (yes I did finally make it home after spending 24 hours in Lima, a few of which were wonderfully spent with Rachel, Steph, and Chris) I dove head first into pre-wedding activities. No, not my wedding, Alli and Albert Handal’s wedding. The whole week was a blur of shopping, bridal parties, and hair and make-up. It was a beautiful wedding, and I’m glad I made it back in time. For a little bit there, I thought I might be stuck in Lima until my teeth fell out.

But now, wedding excitement is over (at least until the next 2…. or 20) and I now have time to reflect on my time in Peru, and how it has affected me. At first it seemed as though I have returned the same as I was before I left. But now and then I start to see glimpses of things that have changed within me, perspectives that have changed. Also, I don’t know if I’m just trying to adjust to being around so many people or if this is a part of the Jenessa I’m having to get used to, but lately I’ve felt more of the “I” of the Myers Briggs pushing the “E” out of the way. Not totally, but they seem to be sharing the space a little more. I think it’s just a temporary thing as I am trying to adjust to being back home.

They say that culture shock is often times worse coming back from than going to another country. I think it’s because when you go to another country you expect things to be different than home. You expect the food to be different, the language to be different, and the people to be different. I think when you return home, you have changed a little and you expect the things at home to have changed with you, but that’s often not the case. Or maybe you expect things to be the same but everyone else has continued through life without you.

I’d have to say my biggest shock hasn’t been the super shopping centers, or the hundreds of cars instead of motorcycles on the road, or that everyone speaks English instead of Castellano, or that there are whole aisles of toothpaste instead of one small shelf. While all of those things have taken a little bit of adjustment, I think what I have been struggling with the most is taking the Pre-Missionary Jenessa and the Post Missionary Jenessa and meshing the two together. I struggle with which way of thinking is “correct.” I struggle with not saying, “this is how we did it when I was in Peru,” or “when I was in Peru…” Adjusting is……hard. There have been a couple times when all I wanted to do was cry. I expect that will happen a few more times in the following months as well.

I apologize, I feel like this blog is a jumble of nonsense. But that’s kind of what is going on inside me right now. I feel like a jumbled, confused, mess. You probably can’t see that by looking at me, but that is what’s going on underneath my smiles and, “Peru was great thanks, I loved it, I had such a good growing experience,” more smiles and nods.