Oh life, you stump me sometimes

Tried to post this over a week ago.


As I sat in the new house at Km 8 watching birds soar gracefully in the cloud-filled sky, I thought about my life here in Peru over the last few months. The girls and I had been chatting about how glad we were to have made the decision to spend a part of our life here in Peru. Sure, there have been some downright cruddy times here. I´ve had a few times of tears, but amidst it all I´ve come to love this place.

I was discussing life here in Peru with Stephanie and decided the reason I love it so much is because here I live day-to-day. I´m not always bombarded by the future. At the moment I can´t decided if that´s truly a good thing or not. Do I love it here so much because I don’t feel pressured to quickly make crucial decisions about my life? Or is there something falta in the way I was living my life back at home? Am I worrying too much about my future and not being grateful for each day as I should?

My Christian upbringing says I “shouldn’t worry about tomorrow.” But practicality and society tell me that I have to have a plan, I have to know what´s coming up next in my future. Which voice do I listen to? Or should it be a combination?

I still haven´t come up with an answer. Although I’m afraid I know what will happen when I return home. I´ll get back into the routine of life before Peru. My future will stress me out, and I´ll wish I was back in Peru once again. Is that normal? Is that ok? Who´s to say? At this point I would much rather give it all to God. I really like not worrying about tomorrow.

Before coming here I was always the girl who had to have a plan. I always had to know what was coming next. I wanted to know each individual step along the road of my life. I wasn’t content just letting God lead. Yes, I ultimately wanted His plan for my life, but only as long as I had a significant say in the matter. It was always, “Ok God, I’ll take the lead on this one, and if you have any good suggestions just pass them my way. Or better yet, I’ll give you a call if I get hung up on something. Thanks.”

Now, I feel as though I’m just starting to realize how relieving it is to just allow God to lead. And you know, He has already worked some things out in my immediate future without my having to stress about it.

I’ve learned a lot in these last several months. But even if I were only brought here to come to this realization in my life I will still be a happy girl.